The Divorce Support Groups Blog

Get into a discussion about marriage and divorce, and most likely at some point you will hear the statistic quoted that 50% of marriages end in dissolution.  While this may hold true in some countries, in North America, the actual statistic hovers somewhere below that mark.  It is very possible that you or people you know will be faced with divorce, regardless of the statistical data.  Accordingly, several key issues should be kept in mind as you’re going through the dissolution process. Try to remain civil, put the needs of the children first, and take your time.

Maintaining civil and hopefully amicable relations during a divorce is perhaps the most important piece of advice.  For this reason, some states require that couples seeking a divorce submit to arbitration or mediation. Arbitration, particularly with a trained mediator, enables the parties in the breakup to achieve compromise and work toward solutions that are mutually beneficial.  Arbitration can help a couple agree on dividing money and other assets, and on making custodial arrangements.  Compromise avoids the “win-lose” situation, a situation that only leads to hurt and bitter feelings of the people involved, and instead replaces this with “win-win” which helps the needs to both people and makes everyone happy.

Children of broken marriages are a particular focus of arbitration; even without arbitration, any parent seeking to dissolve a marriage should consider the needs of the children involved as a top priority.  Squabbling over the children, or using the children as pawns in the proceedings in order to gain control or power, ends up having severe negative impact on the children.  No child likes to feel powerless, and no child enjoys the feeling of being forced to choose one parent over the other.  Eventually, several kids do reach the point of deciding to live with a mom or dad, yet it must be the kid’s choice instead of the court’s or the choice of one parent, as the kid must feel like he or she is controlling the circumstances.

Time is a neglected issue that many people don’t pay the adequate attention to when it comes to the trials of divorce.   Be sure to take enough time to make smart choices prior to, during, and even after the break up takes place.  Dissolution is a very desperate option and you should only use it as a last resort.  

You have come to the Court to determine the best to meet the needs of your children and yourself and as once the Court takes a position it will be difficult to obtain a reversal or change so consider each and every decision you make thoroughly. 

After your breakup, take time to recover, to heal, to know yourself; avoid becoming involved with a new partner too quickly.  Learn from your failed relationships  before entering into a new relationship, take the time to consider what made your marriage fail,  consider counseling to decide how to deal with those issues,  success in a new relationship is at risk if the issues that caused previous marriage to fail are not addressed.

Divorce isn’t easy, and often leads to feelings of inadequacy, anger, loss, betrayal, despair, and so on.  But resolving to remain civil, seeking what is best for the children involved, and taking time to make decisions throughout the process can at the very least ease the process for all parties involved, and ensure that all parties experience some degree of resolution and satisfaction in the end.

Learn why Texas Divorce Guide is the most popular site for people trying to find an uncontested divorce in Texas. If you want particular Texas divorce forms, you can discover almost everything you may need, including a Texas Respondent’s Answer. There’s also a extensive Texas divorce FAQ’s that you’ll probably find very informative.

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Making the commitment to proceed with divorce is probably the most important decision that a person can make in their life. The decision to divorce can affect a person's life on a variety of levels. For this reason it really is necessary to consider how divorce will affect all parties and whether or not a resolution is possible before filing for divorce. In some cases therapy can help people deal with the issues that make divorce seem like the best solution. In other cases, the dissolution of the marriage is the best choice for all parties involved. Individuals should throughly consider whether divorce is necessary.

In an ideal situation both parties decide that a divorce is necessary and the split leads to an amicable divorce. However, this ideal situation does not represent the majority of divorces that take place. In most instances, there is at least one individual that does not want the divorce to occur resulting in a contested divorce. One spouse can make it difficult to proceed with a divorce. Because of this, all parties must be honest about their perception of the marriage, the current state of the marriage and the potential for improving the marriage. This is necessary to determine how a married couple will proceed with their marriage. If both partners decide that they either want to work on the marriage or dissolve the marriage then the necessary steps can be taken. However, if one party resists obtaining help to save the marriage or resists accepting that a divorce is necessary this can result in problem that will make divorcing a bit more complicated.

The impact of a divorce both mentally and emotionally should be weighted heavily by those wishing for a divorce. People that chose to obtain a divorce because they believe that their spouses are mentally or emotionally abusive obviously will incur many positive advantages of divorce. No one should have to be attached to a person that makes life feel like a living hell on a daily basis. Also, those that are subjected to other forms of abuse such as physical abuse and even emotional manipulation and blackmail may believe that divorce is the best answer for their marriages. Marriage is the joining of two people, but people have characteristics and traits that can be hard to deal with on an everyday basis. Once people in a marriage realize that they can no longer tolerate their spouse then a decision must be made as to when it is the right time to divorce or whether the marriage can be saved with counseling or other methods.

Making the choice to divorce is not an easy decision. Everyone involved in a divorce could potentially lose a lot.Financial responsibility after divorce is very likely, property must be split and most importantly everyone is affected by divorce emotionally and mentally and will have to rebuild their lives In all, the decision to divorce is something that should be reflected on thoroughly.

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Everyone has heard about the headaches associated with divorce litigation: huge attorney and expert fees, hostile letters from the other party’s attorney, and endless requests for documents and information about your private life that you must provide. It is common that, after all the trouble, neither party in the divorce is happy with the outcome.

Looking for an alternative? Try an Arizona Mediator

For a description of the basic process of divorce mediation in Arizona, keep reading. When the divorcing spouses do not have attorneys, the process is generally as follows.

First, the couple must agree to use mediation. Often, mediators proffer a free consultation of which you can take advantage, so you and your partner can reach a conclusion on whether mediation is right for you. The consultation is most productive when both spouses meet with the mediator at the same time, although they can meet separately. Doing this helps both spouses see that the mediator is neutral and does not favor either one. Additional information about mediation is available at Arizona Mediator.

If the parties have attorneys, the process is different

The mediation procedure is different if the parties have attorneys. The attorneys have the resposibilities of scheduling the mediation time, and providing the mediator with a Mediation Memorandum, which sets forth what each party would like from the proceeding, as well as the issues relating to the divorce. The mediation session of four to eight hours long usually completes the process if both the divorcing spouses and their lawyers can meet at a mutually agreeable time.

Part of the procedure is completing a form that asks for basic information about the couples assets, debts and other issues. This occurs prior to the mediation. The parties do not have to know everything about their financial picture or what they want at the initial mediation session.

Taking place over the course of two or more two hour sessions is normal for a mediation, although it can be finished in one day. In between sessions, the divorcing couple will often need to gather information or documentation. Participants can also choose to consult with professionals (property appraisers, child specialists, attorneys) before coming to a final agreement.

Although mediation will resolve the spouses’ disputes, they will still have to file the divorce paperwork with the Superior Court in Arizona. The mediator is not allowed to give legal advice. However, she can assist the spouses in obtaining and filing the pertinent forms and making sure they remit the filing fees involved.

Disclaimer: This publication and the information included in it are not intended to serve as a substitute for consultation with an attorney. Specific legal issues, concerns and conditions always require the advice of appropriate legal professionals.

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Don’t get into an extended court fight. There are other options if you are getting a divorce in Arizona. Think about these options: Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. For the purposes of this story, Collaborative Divorce is the only alternative we will talk about. Collaborative Divorce concentrates on staying out of court and settling all issues collaboratively; including custody, child support, alimony or spousal maintenance and division of property and debts. The divorcing couple works together as a team to reach a solution. The hassle and expense of going to court can be alleviated.

One alternative that you may want to think about is Collaborative Divorce.

A moderate avenue to litigation, Collaborative Divorce hinges on three principles:

•    A pledge not to go to court

•    An honest exchange of facts by both partners

•    Both spouses agree to a settlement that takes into account the greatest preferences of both them and their children

In response to the psychological, financial and family system devastation that comes about from traditional family law court action, the Collaborative Divorce model evolved as a form of alternative dispute resolution. To assist a divorcing couple in framing an equitable and fair resolution without resorting to a lawsuit, the Collaborative Divorce model relies on an interdisciplinary team of professionals to edify, guide and support. Both the divorcing couple and all team members sign a Participation Agreement at the start of the case. If either party terminates the Collaborative process by opting for litigation, the Agreement is called into effect and all team members withdraw from the case.

Collaborative Divorce can only work if both parties are willing to participate in the system. You and your spouse can learn more through various sources on the Internet and Collaborative Divorce Practitioners.

To learn more about Collaborative Divorce and Mediation in Arizona, you can visit:  Arizona Mediator.

Disclaimer: This publication and the information included in it are not intended to serve as a substitute for consultation with an attorney. Specific legal issues, concerns and conditions always require the advice of appropriate legal professionals.

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My parents have been divorced a total of 4 times. My step-parents have new spouses, so it works out into an odd step-step-parent combination. I have seen and faced all sorts of divorces that are settled within the confines of four walls or shamefully fought in public. I managed to survive each one. though none of them were at all pleasant. I will describe my own experiences so that you or your child will hopefully see that divorce is as much a new beginning as it is an end.

Divorce rarely end nicely. When divorce is considered spouses are usually not friendly to the idea. The most difficult things I ever witnessed my mother do was to acknowledge the conflict and the fact that she was not in love. The difficult part was recognizing that you could stop loving someone without having to start hating him or her. It is too common nowadays that individuals come to hate one another instead of acknowledging that they are simply no longer in love and are able to move on with an amicable divorce. This type is usually caused by some sort of rift that people can forgive one another for, but not forget. An amicable divorce is very similar to the next type I will discuss: the apathetic divorce.

Apathetic divorce is also a scary and sensitive issue. A child watching a marriage slowly die a lonely death is often a child who thinks if they just try harder, their parents will be happy. In my experience, this kind of divorce is the hardest to cope with. You can see your parents grow apart, and no cuteness, good behavior, or good grades will bring back the spark. It’s essential that you explain to the child that sometimes relationships don’t work out and people go their seperate ways and it’s no ones fault.

A third sort of divorce, though it appears to be the most damaging, is the least difficult style I’ve had to manage. While they were still extremely unsettling and traumatic, the issues were at least out in the open, not smoldering and invoking a sense of a bomb waiting to go off. It’s unquestionable that waiting for a disaster is far tougher than regathering after one. While keeping your children uninvolved in your arguments, it is important that they understand that there are reasons spouses face divorce, and if the rift is caused by any sort of abuse, this must be discussed and shown to be unhealthy behavior.

Each child is going to handle divorce differently. I was not gifted growing up in a happy family which of course, made me strong to face challenges and adjust to them in my personal life. When parents try to stay together and pretend everything is ok, rare are the children fooled. Children often pick up on conflict even before the parents admit tensions to themselves.

Support groups or therapy can be helpful. I could spend time with family and friends and was able to be active at my church as a way to create some steadiness. It is very important for the children involved in the divorce, as well as the parents to take a break from the constant worry.

Finally, this is from my personal experience, and the experiences of my siblings and family members who have survived divorce relatively intact. As long as you put your children’s interests first, there is no single correct way to deal with trauma. Remember that no one wants to have their marriage fail, and the guilt you feel may be being felt by your children as well. Be honest with them, but don’t give them too much to deal with. Your life keeps going beyond divorce but it makes you feel that you have nothing left in life for you.

If you want more information, you can learn more about my practice as an experienced Austin Texas family law lawyer. You can also watch our free online Austin Texas divorce video at www.AustinDivorceHelp.com. Divorce doesn’t have to be a disaster. Learn how a Austin Texas collaborative lawyer can help you through family disputes with dignity.

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