The Divorce Support Groups Blog

My husband moved to another country and wants a divorce. My older son, 11, is with him and the younger one, 3, is with me. My husband and I get alone well when not together. However, what relevent here is that at most time, we agree on the child care issues, excepting that husband insists that our seperation have no impact on our sons. Some articles I read argued that even children grew up in a family with argumentive parents are doing better than children who grew up in divorced families. But those are only researches, probably done by some PHD never had children themselves (not that they are not valuable). I know how children turn out will also depend on their own personalities. No one can predict future. Still I want to find out more on this subject from people who have personal experiences, no matter as divorced parent or as a child grew up in a divorced family. What fact(s) you think contribute to the negetive or positive impact (if there is any)on children in your divorce? THX!

The most important thing is your children, I left the falther of my children because there was abuse and we just did not get along. It was very hard to do even with the abuse because in my mind I truly believed the falther and mother should stay together fo the sake of the children, but when my children started asking me why we couldn’t move into an empty house down the street (they were only 4yrs old and six at the time I then realized that no matter what I believed my children were not happy. So I left and my sons to this day recall the abuse and fear we lived in. They have told me that they often think that if I would have stayed in that relationship they would have turned into really wild angry men. So my choice was right. Also even though it was very hard for me I never called him down to my children, they at that young age had already formed their own opinion and I certainly didn’t need to add fuel to the fire. I’m so glad that I didn’t because my ex has changed alot and he regrets his behavior very much and he is now getting closer to his sons this is twenty years later. And I’m pleased that they email and visit occasionally. We were not happy together it changed him and made us all unhappy. If your’e not happy together but can show enough respect and love for your children to not call each other down your children will grow up much happier and healthier, mentally healthier as well. It was an emotional decision but the right one and we are grateful for it now. My sons respect me, love me and know I did the right thing that has given us a strong bond that will never go away. Never involve your children in any angry tirades about your spouse treat your spouse (ex) maybe with respect around your children. The only time to keep your children away from a spouse is if you know he will abuse them mentally or physically but to me it doesn’t sound like that’s an issue for you. You are already separated if he’s moved to another country. So if I were you I would start over and be happy, being happy and living a happy,content live with your child or children is the most important thing you can do for yourself and your children. My heart goes out to you, all the best and good luck, live a good and honest life always.